


Prince Steven of Brooklyndia

by Ignisentis



Series: Ficlets From the Tweety [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, Fairytale setting, Fluff, M/M, Steve Using Ridiculous Phrases, silliness, so cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 04:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11843826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ignisentis/pseuds/Ignisentis
Summary: Once upon a time in the kingdom of Brooklyndia, there lived a fair-haired prince named Steven, who was "bored out of my FUCKING mind, Sam! Let's go to the stables and saddle up Shield and Falcon and go for a ride or something. Anything, please, I'm dying here!"





	Prince Steven of Brooklyndia

**Author's Note:**

> This story is inspired by a super amusing series of Tweets from @McDougallSophia, who wrote about an Armenian fairytale called Clever Aneet or Anait, depending on how you want to spell it. A friend mentioned they thought it would make an excellent Stucky AU, and so here it is.
> 
> This fic is part of my series of Twitter fics I write to amuse my friends. Non-beta'd, barely edited, so all mistakes are mine.

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Brooklyndia, there lived a fair-haired prince named Steven, who was "bored out of my FUCKING mind, Sam! Let's go to the stables and saddle up Shield and Falcon and go for a ride or something. Anything, please, I'm dying here!"

 

Sam, the Prince's bodyguard and best friend, rolled his eyes but agreed with a "fine. Let me go grab some food from the kitchens and pack it up because I know your ass is going to get hungry halfway through, and I 100% do not want to deal with hangry Steve."

 

"You wouldn't like me when I'm hangry."

  
"Dude, no one likes you when you're hangry."   
  


Food and horses readied, the Prince and his loyal companion rode off in search of adventure.

 

A few hours later, they approached the village of Rus, known for its flowering trees and potent alcohol.  "Sam, look, the trees are in bloom! Aren't they lovely? I'm going to get a closer look."

 

"Steve, no!" Sam cried as Steven rode toward the flowering trees, heedless of their pollen and its effects on his breathing. "You fool! You're being heedless of the pollen and its effects on your breathing!"

  
  
"Can't hear you, mom!" Prince Steven cried as he raced toward the trees.

 

"That little shit," Sam muttered as he spurred Falcon on after Steven. 

  
  
Prince Steven arrived at the outer edge of the grove and dismounted, spinning and laughing as he tried to catch the flowers petals as the breeze blew them off the trees. Once he'd collected a handful, he raised them to his face and breathed deeply of their lovely scent, light and willowy and not cloying as some flowers can be. He laughed again and threw the petals in the air, enraptured by their slow descent.

 

"You're gonna regret that in a minute," Sam said as he arrived by his prince's side.

  
  
"Oh, quit being such a fuddy-duddy and live a little, Sam!"

  
  
"I know you did NOT just call me a fuddy-duddy. Who the fuck even says that anymore?"

  
  
"Princes, that's who," Steven said, as he sneezed. And sneezed. And sneezed again. 

  
"Oh, shit. Steve, can you still breathe?"

  
  
Prince Steve shook his head, gasping for breath as the tree pollen activated his allergies and started restricting his airways.

 

"Here, try this," a man said, seeming to appear from nowhere.

  
  
Sam definitely did not squeal, thank you very much. He looked at the proffered clay vessel and asked "What is it?"

  
  
"Water with a special herbal remedy mixed in," said the magically appearing man.

 

Prince Steven gasped dramatically and reached for the vessel, only to have the man pull it away. He frowned at the man and reached out again, only to have the man pull it away again. Who the fuck did he think he was? He reached out a third time, and the man let him have the vessel. Prince Steven drank deeply of the herbal water, though it tasted of musty dirt.

 

In what seemed like no time at all, his breathing returned to normal. He turned to face the man, and OH, NO, HE WAS HOT!!!!   _ Okay, Steve, play it cool. You're a Prince. You can do this. _

 

"What the hell was that with the offering and the taking back and the rudeness?" Steve managed not to facepalm at himself, but it was a close thing. He glared at Sam when the other man snorted.

  
  
"Oh, uh, well, you were too far into the attack to have drunk the water properly, so I distracted you a bit so you weren't thinking so much about how little air you were getting, which made you breathe easier, which meant you would be able to drink the water and stop the attack," the hottie with a body said.

 

Motherfucking. Heart. Eyes. Sam snorted again at the look of utter adoration on Prince Steve's face.

  
  
Hot peasant said, "I'm Bucky. What's your name?"

  
  
Prince Steven opened his mouth, shut it again, squeaked a little, opened and shut his mouth again, before turning and sprinting toward his horse with a shouted "I'll tell you later, don't go anywhere, I'll be back in a jiffy!"

 

Bucky turned toward Sam, "Is he okay? Also, who the fuck says jiffy anymore?"

  
  
"Yeah, he's fine," Sam said fondly. "He's super not good at talking to people he's interested in. Also, he called me a fuddy-duddy earlier, so."

  
  
Bucky gasped lightly. "No, that's so adorable," he said. Sam rolled his eyes at Bucky’s motherfucking heart eyes.

 

Prince Steven, having hurried back home with the utmost speed, burst into his parents' private chambers, exclaiming, "I'm going to marry a man!"

  
  
His royal parents shared a knowing glance, his father the king saying, "Hello, I'm going to marry a man. I'm the King."

  
  
Prince Steven scoffed as his mother giggled. "Dad, why? Please be serious."

  
  
"Okay," he replied. "Hi, I'm going to marry a man. I'm serious."

 

"Aw, jinkies, Dad! I'm trying to tell you I met the love of my life today, the man I want to marry and live happily ever after with, and bone until the--"

  
  
"NONONONONONONONO!" his parents screamed in unison.

  
  
"So can I?"

  
  
"Can you what? Also, who says jinkies anymore?"

  
  
"Focus, Dad! Can I marry Bucky?"

 

"Who the hell is Bucky?"

 

"The peasant with magical healing waters who creeps up on people in the flowering tree groves of Rus!"

  
  
"Well, when you put it like that..." his mother the queen replied.

  
  
"But moooooooom, he's so dreamy and has medical knowledge and did I mention he is built like a brick shithouse?"

  
  
"Well, when you put it like THAT..." his father says.

  
  
"Thanks, you guys are the best! I'm gonna go send royal messengers and ask for his hand in marriage!"

  
  
"Wait, Steven!" his royal father calls after him, but it's too late. Steven has run from the room, eager to begin his wedded life together with his scorchingly hot mystery man.

  
  
"We didn't technically give him permission."

  
  
"You know he'd just do it anyway."

  
  
"True. He gets that from your side of the family, dear." The queen says.

 

"Dude, will you PLEASE calm down? You're making me dizzy with all that pacing," Sam says a few hours later.

  
  
"But Sam, what if Bucky doesn't like all the presents I sent him? What if all the royal messengers' horses go lame and the wagon carts break their axles and no one arrives?" Steve gasps. "WHAT THEN?!?!?"

  
  
"DUDE! It's only been like two hours since they set out. They won't be back for at least half a day. Go read a book or get drunk or something, but please stop pacing!"

  
  
Prince Steven sits down on the chair next to Sam, but he isn't happy about it.

 

Bucky is trimming some tree branches when he hears the telltale sound of horses and wagons approaching. He sets down his tree clippers and puts one hand on the knife in his pocket, ready to spring into action should the need arise.

  
  
A woman dressed in royal livery reins in her horse and stops in front of Bucky. "Well met," she says. "My name is Margaret, royal messenger to King Joseph and Queen Sarah of Brooklyndia. I seek one...Bucky that I may ask for his hand in marriage on behalf of Steven, Prince of Brooklyndia."

  
  
"Back the fuck up. That cute awkward guy from yesterday was a PRINCE?"

  
  
Margaret smiles. "He is indeed. And he was so taken by you that he wishes to ask for your hand in marriage. So if you will just come along with me, I will escort you to the palace."

  
  
"Um..."

  
  
"He also sent wagon loads of gifts, if you want to take a look."

  
  
"Um...no?"

 

"What do you mean no?"

  
  
"What does the Prince do other than be a Prince?"

  
  
Margaret narrowed her eyes. "I don't follow."

  
  
"I mean does he have a trade or a profession or anything? These are uncertain times, politically and economically, and I don't want to hitch my wagon to anyone who thinks he's going to just be a Prince all his life. That's not good enough." Bucky crosses his arms across his chest to show he's serious.

  
  
Margaret's mouth quirks into a smile. "Oh, yes, I understand what he sees in you. Alas, the answer is no, he has no trade or profession aside from Prince."

  
  
"Then please inform him that my answer is no."

  
  
"Bucky, it will be my utmost pleasure."

 

Nodding, Bucky turns away and goes back to his tree trimming.

  
  
"He said WHAT?!?" King Joseph bellows after Margaret shares her news. "How DARE he refuse my son! Steven, you should--"

  
  
The king stops mid-sentence as he looks at his son's face and sees the, frankly, disgusting heart eyes Steven is sporting.

  
  
"Ugh," he says eloquently. "Steven, why?'

 

"He's right, dad. I should know a trade. I'm going to become a painter, by golly!"

 

And so it is that Prince Steven spends 14 months studying painting with the best painters in all the realm, getting quite damn good, if he does say so himself. He paints a painting of stunning magnificence and sends it to Bucky with a letter declaring his continuing love and affection, and asks for Bucky's hand in marriage once again.

  
  
Bucky, having stared at the painting of stunning magnificence for over an hour, replies "hell to the YES!" And the two are married in a tastefully ostentatious ceremony in the castle with all of Brooklyndia's finest in attendance.

  
  
They lived happily ever after.

 

Until two years later when an evil asshole starts kidnapping people from the streets of Brooklyndia.

  
  
"How very DARE!" exclaims Prince Steven.

  
  
"Why don't I go out and see what I can find out? You know I'm super excellent at skulking around unseen and gathering information," says Prince Bucky.

  
  
"Babe, no, it's too dangerous. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you."

  
  
"Aw, babe, that's so sweet of you to--"

 

"I'LL DO IT MYSELF!" and off runs Prince Steven into certain danger.

  
  
"Steve, no!" Bucky shouts, but it's too late. Steven is out of the castle and into the streets of Brooklyndia before anyone can stop him.

  
  
He runs right into a man wearing a dark cloak over what seems to be...a red face? No, that can't be right. It must be a trick of the light.

  
  
"It's totally not a trick of the light," says the red-faced man. "My head is red. And now you're coming with me."

  
  
_ Well, I guess I figured out who the culprit is, at least, _ Steve thinks to himself.  _ If only there were a way I could tell Bucky. _

 

The red-faced man takes Prince Steven out of the city and to a large cave nearby, throwing him into a chamber with a few sputtering torches on the wall and a handful of people inside.

  
  
"I'm 100% killing you all tomorrow unless you can promise me you can make me a crap ton of money," says red face.

  
  
Prince Steve cracks his knuckles and says, "today is your lucky day, then, because I am a famous painter, and these are my helpers. I need every one of them in order to paint. Also, I need some supplies."

  
  
Prince Steven receives his supplies and begins working on a painting of such stunning magnificence that even red face himself is in awe.

  
  
"Wow, you were not kidding. I kind of thought you just said that crap about being a painter and needing every single person to help you paint just to save your lives, but you were actually telling the truth."

  
  
"You should try it sometime," Prince Steven tells red face.

  
  
"Yeah, no." He says. "Okay, time to take this painting and sell it for a crap ton of money."

 

"Oh, you know who totally appreciates art? Prince Bucky. You should sell it to him. I bet he would pay you a lot of money for it."

  
  
"That sounds like a trap, but you know what? I'll try it anyway," says red face.

 

So red face goes to the palace with the painting of stunning magnificence and asks for an audience with Prince Bucky, who grants him one only because he misses his artist Steve.

  
  
He takes one look at the painting and says, "Guards, seize this man!"

  
  
"This is censorship!" screams red face. 

  
  
"No, this is Prince Steven putting one over on you," says Prince Bucky. "I hope you like your dungeon cell and never seeing the light of day again."

  
  
"How did you know it was from Steve?" asks Sam, who has been faithfully guarding Bucky in Steve's absence.

  
  
"Oh, Steve painted a whole bunch of clues in here. It's basically saying 'hey, me and these other people are in a cave 22 miles south by southwest of the city. Please come rescue us.' It's easy if you know where to look."

  
  
"Yeah, I'll just take your word on that one," Sam says. 

  
  
"Shall we go rescue my man?"

  
  
"Yes, let's."

 

Bucky and Sam lead some soldiers to the cave and rescue Prince Steven and the other people, who cheer and shout and thank Steven for saving them.

  
  
"Don't thank me," says Prince Steven. "Thank Prince Bucky. If he hadn't have insisted I have a trade before we married, you all would have died in that cave. Oh, and also thank him for being smart enough to pick up on the clues in the painting. And thank him for being hella hot, I mean honestly. Look at that face. And that body. And that ass. When I get my hands on him, I'm gonna --"

  
  
"NONONONONONONONONO!!!!" Everyone but Bucky shouts in unison.

  
  
"Shut up! I want to hear what he has to say!" Prince Bucky exclaims.

  
  
"Why don't you take me back to the palace and I'll show you instead?" Prince Steve says, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

 

"DEAL!" Prince Bucky shouts as he grabs Prince Steve's hand and pulls him back toward his horse.

  
  
The two laugh as they race back to the palace, fuck each other's brains out all evening, and then live happily ever after.

 

THE END!!!!

  
  
  



End file.
